When Is Not-So-Sexy... Oh-So-Sexy?

When do you feel like your sexiest self? When you're all dolled up, rocking
your little black dress and heels and the perfect lipstick? When you've kicked
ass at work? When you slip into something silky and slinky?

We know how good those all feel, but here's the truth: Getting primped and
perfumed — or even showing a little leg — has nothing to do with what makes your
guy really want you. Yes, at first a man may be drawn in by come-hither
cues — a flash of lace, a glimpse of cleavage. But once his heart is yours for
keeps, he has a totally different idea of what makes you alluring.

"When
a man is in love, what he finds really attractive is the feeling that he's
seeing you for who you truly are," explains REDBOOK Love Network expert Scott
Haltzman, M.D., author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. "To a
guy, the makeup, the sexy outfit, it's all a mask. He wants the woman behind the
mask. Openness, vulnerability, an air of contentment — those things are what
really turns him on."

We asked seven women to tell us when they feel most
desirable — then got the scoop from each of their guys on what makes him
hot for her. Here, the sweet, sexy, and surprising answers:

Stilettos
and cleavage...or natural beauty?
Angela Betancourt, 30
Rich
Betancourt, 38
Married eight months

ANGELA: The irony is that
whenever I feel my hottest — say, when I wear a low-cut blouse and fabulous
black stilettos — Rich rarely finds me sexy! I like to wear super-shiny lip
gloss, but Rich thinks it's more sticky than kissable; and if I stare longingly
into his eyes he just thinks I'm being cheesy. I also feel attractive anytime
I'm in candlelight — in fact, I always light candles in the bedroom. I'm sure
Rich wonders why I'm so candle obsessed.

RICH: I find Angela the
most irresistible when she's zoned out on the couch in front of the TV after a
long day at work. She's not wearing any makeup or jewelry. Everything is
stripped away, and she's just totally relaxed. I'll look over at her beautiful
face and think, Wow, this is a great shot. I have to take a picture. Her
natural beauty turns me on much more than when she's all dolled up.

Sharing private time...or working the room?
Charisse
Lombardo-Moore, 38
Salvatore Moore, 35
Married nine years

CHARISSE: I feel sexiest when my husband and I are strongly
connected. We're always close and love each other, but let's face it, after
being together for 15 years, those emotions sometimes get lost in the everyday.
But when we reconnect, it's powerful. For example, we went to Puerto Rico this
year to celebrate my birthday. Every day we went to the beach, where we read and
talked and took long walks. It was so calming and intimate. Later in the week,
on the actual day of my birthday, Sal took me shopping for clothes. By this
time, I felt so great about our marriage — and so incredibly desirable. To show
him how I was feeling, I began modeling sexy bathing suits for him, something
I've never done before. You could feel the sexual tension in the air!

SALVATORE: I find Charisse most attractive when we are out with a
group of friends and she is sharing a story about a recent experience. She tells
the story with such conviction and passion. Her smile is warm and generous, and
everyone around us is always drawn to her and engrossed by what she's saying. I
feel proud and always have an urge to get close to her. Her presence brightens
any room in a way I can't fully describe. I would bet that any of the women we
spend time with are envious and would give almost anything to walk just one mile
in her shoes.

Belly dancing...or talking politics?
Jeanny
Weinstein, 30
Ethan Weinstein, 36
Married three
years

JEANNY: I feel so sexy when I belly dance. It's a very
sensual movement. I just started taking classes and each time I go, I feel more
and more in tune with my body. When I get good enough, I may do some dancing for
Ethan. I think he'd like to watch me move like that!

ETHAN: I
always find Jeanny sexy — she's gorgeous! But her interest in politics and her
ability to talk intelligently about it is what I really find attractive. Jeanny
grew up in a very nonpolitical household, but she's become a lot more informed
and concerned about the world. We'll go see political documentaries together and
spend lots of time afterward discussing them. I suppose, though, I like this
part the best: Although Jeanny is a very amicable and tolerant person, she's
been in situations where she's been surrounded by people who have strongly
opposed her views — and she has always stood firmly by her beliefs no matter
what. Watching her defend her ideas makes me want to scoop her up and take her
into the bedroom.

Sharing successes...or sharing dreams?
Sharon Anderson, 37
Jim
Anderson, 46
Married eight years

SHARON: Doing something I love
and being successful at it is what really makes me feel sexy. For example, I
direct a local high school musical each spring. When the show finally goes up on
opening night and I feel proud of the work, it's exciting for me to have Jim in
the audience to share it with. I feel strong and accomplished — and therefore
desirable.

JIM: Whenever Sharon talks about having children, she
projects an aura that I find irresistible. We've both been involved in kids'
organizations for years, and I already have two kids of my own from my first
marriage. Since my girls were toddlers, Sharon has been there for them — not as
a substitute mom, but as their friend and guiding hand. I love her all the more
for what she has given the girls, and I want nothing more in the world than to
have a baby with her. This shared desire gives our lovemaking an undertone of
tenderness and purpose. Thinking of her as a mom makes her incredibly sexy to
me.

Hot mama...or earth mother?
Sandra Juliano,
36
Michael Juliano, 43
Married seven years

SANDRA:
I feel sexiest when I go through the "transformation" from mom to woman. I
switch from sneakers to heels and from baby-food-stained clothing to a clean and
stylish outfit. I put on Chanel perfume and take out my scrunchie and let my
hair fall to my shoulders — without having to worry about my kids pulling it or
getting syrup in it! I walk and talk differently — I feel different. There's no
heavy diaper bag weighing me down on one side, and there is never any mention of
SpongeBob or Lightning McQueen. I go from being an active mom who reads silly
stories about talking cars and who blows raspberries with the baby to the
adventurous and flirty girl Michael met 11 years ago.

MICHAEL: To me, Sandra is sexiest whenever I see her
interact with our children. When my wife and I were dating, I was always
intrigued by the way she was with kids. Her warmth, tenderness, and caring way
seemed so natural. I was already intensely attracted to her, but envisioning her
as the mother of my children made her even hotter.

Recently, when our
family went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner, my youngest son started to dance
to the Spanish music that played in the background. A huge smile came over
Sandra's face and she joined him to dance in the middle of the restaurant. Her
focus was not on who was watching or whether she was being "appropriate" —
connecting with our son was all that mattered. It was a beautiful sight, and I
could not wait to take home the gorgeous woman dancing in front of me.

Salon-perfect...or messy and sweaty?
Lorenda Layne,
28
Matt Niblack, 28
Married two years

LORENDA: Like most
girls, I definitely feel the most sexy when I've got my hair relaxed and set, my
eyebrows freshly waxed at the salon, and I'm putting on a dress and heels to go
out. The attention to detail that's involved in each of these things gives me a
chance to focus on my body and accentuate and showcase my best features. When I
know I look my best, I feel more confident — and when I feel confident, I feel
sexy.

MATT: I'm most attracted to the things that make Ren unique
and show her natural energy. So I love the way she looks the week before she
goes to the salon, when her roots have grown so her hair is puffy. I've never
met a girl who had such voluminous hair. I love to mess it up so that it gets
really big. Also, when she's just gotten home from the gym, all sweaty in her
Twizzlers T-shirt, ratty gray yoga pants, and tennis shoes, with her hair pulled
back but with a few stray strands plastered to her face. She has a glow in her
complexion from doing something she loves, and every part of her body, from hair
to sweat, communicates an energy that is very sexy.

Sharing your
day...or sharing your night?
Tricia Barefoot, 37
Greg Barefoot,
39
Married 11 years

TRICIA: I feel sexy when all the parts of
my life are in happy harmony. When I've had a great day with the kids, or have
found a way to better our lives, or have completed a task I'm working on, I
can't wait to share these moments with Greg. Knowing that I've contributed
something great to my world and that the one man I love more than anything sees
it too — that's sexy! So it's not the little black dress, or the heels, or the
hairdo. It's the idea that the person I love gets me and finds me sexy just for
being me.

GREG: The most obvious thing is her apparel — anything
silk from Victoria's Secret worn at night. But Tricia is sexy in how she carries
herself too. This might manifest itself in the way she walks, sings a song
off-key, or plays with the kids. It's hard to describe, but during these
moments, I'm reminded that I'm no longer married to a girl, but to a very
confident and sexy woman.