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Job Application

An applicant was filling out a job application.

Which is your favourite sport?

Second Opinion

This guy was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped. He grabbed at a branch and was hanging in mid air. After an hour, he felt himself getting exhausted and looked up to the heavens and cried out: "God, help me! Please, help me!"

All of a sudden the clouds parted and a voice boomed out from on high. "Let Go!" said the voice.

The guy paused, looked up at heaven once more, and said: "Is there anyone else up there?"

A faith healer asked Moshe how his family was getting along. "They're all fine," Moshe said, "Except my uncle. He's very sick."

"Your uncle is not sick," the faith healer said. "He THINKS he's sick."

Two weeks later, the faith healer ran into Moshe on the street. "How is your uncle getting along?" he asked.

Moshe shrugged, "He THINKS he's dead."

Cop With a Collar

A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months. He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency. Among other questions he was asked, “What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?”

He thought for a moment and then said, “I would take up a collection.”

Interpreting the Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor thy father and thy mother' she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shalt not kill."

The Buddhist Hotdog Vendor

A Buddhist approaches a hotdog vendor and says: "Make me one with everything."

He gives the vendor a $20 bill and waits. Finally he says: "Where's my change?"

Says the vendor: "All change must come from within."

Gas price is continuously increasing right now. Which one you preferred, step by step increase ( Weekly ) or Bulk increase ( One time )?

I'll go with a step by step increase since I can save from it compared to one time increase.

Little KENNY <span style=

Three men are stranded along a dark stretch of highway.On man remembers seeing cottage rental place a few miles back, so they walked back. At the front desk the men asked how much it would cost to rent a cottage for the night. The manager was attending the desk at the time and replied, its $30. The three men looked at each other and each pulled out a ten dollar bill. They were handed the key to the room and went on their way.

A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.

Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."

Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."

Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair.  There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person.  Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that."  Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10."  So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

Who do u think is a betta singer out of beyonce nd marian carey and who is a better rapper out of lil wayne nd lil boosie

If you were a spy, what kind of shoes would you wear??

Give?

You would wear Sneakers.

What is full of holes, yet holds water?      A sponge of course.

What is bought by the yard. yet worn by the foot?  Carpet

What is the longest word in the English language?  Smiles.  There is a mile between the first and last letter.

What is full of holes, yet holds water?

What is bought by the yard, yet worn by the foot?

What is the longest word in the English language?